2018
"One wet water bug..."
08/28/18 23:09
One wet water bug, wading through wadis in Wisconsin
Two tired terrapins, trying to topple tulip trees
Three thirsty thrushes their way through Thebes
Four finicky ferrets, fussing over fried fish fillets with frisée and fennel
Five fierce falcons fighting with fanatical fury for a female
Six sesquipedalian serpents stretching out sentences with superfluous syllables
Seven skittish scorpions, scared and scuttling across the schist
Eight eerily erudite earwigs, embellishing an epic with exceptional élan
Nine noble numbats, nibbling neatly at their nails
Ten ticklish tigers, tittering timidly with every teasing touch
Eleven elderly eels, eschewing electrocution, electing to eat more elderberries
Twelve twisted taipans, tangled together terribly
Thirteen threadbare thieves, thwarted by thorny thickets
Fourteen flamboyant flamingos, fluttering and flapping their feathers for the fans
Fifteen felonious fennec foxes facing forty to fifty years for filching from the Fed
Sixteen surprisingly silly salamanders secretly stuffing socks with silly string
Seventeen supremely serious spoonbills soberly steering the ship of state
Eighteen envious echidnas, easing the edge off their egos by eating their emotions
Nineteen nimble nuthatches narrowly navigating Naples at night…and nailing it
Twenty toughened tuataras, talking tactics for tackling the Tyrolean tops in time for tea
(The oldest parts of this are really from, like, 2000. But I couldn't remember broad swaths of it, so I reconstructed what I could and rewrote the rest)
Two tired terrapins, trying to topple tulip trees
Three thirsty thrushes their way through Thebes
Four finicky ferrets, fussing over fried fish fillets with frisée and fennel
Five fierce falcons fighting with fanatical fury for a female
Six sesquipedalian serpents stretching out sentences with superfluous syllables
Seven skittish scorpions, scared and scuttling across the schist
Eight eerily erudite earwigs, embellishing an epic with exceptional élan
Nine noble numbats, nibbling neatly at their nails
Ten ticklish tigers, tittering timidly with every teasing touch
Eleven elderly eels, eschewing electrocution, electing to eat more elderberries
Twelve twisted taipans, tangled together terribly
Thirteen threadbare thieves, thwarted by thorny thickets
Fourteen flamboyant flamingos, fluttering and flapping their feathers for the fans
Fifteen felonious fennec foxes facing forty to fifty years for filching from the Fed
Sixteen surprisingly silly salamanders secretly stuffing socks with silly string
Seventeen supremely serious spoonbills soberly steering the ship of state
Eighteen envious echidnas, easing the edge off their egos by eating their emotions
Nineteen nimble nuthatches narrowly navigating Naples at night…and nailing it
Twenty toughened tuataras, talking tactics for tackling the Tyrolean tops in time for tea
(The oldest parts of this are really from, like, 2000. But I couldn't remember broad swaths of it, so I reconstructed what I could and rewrote the rest)
"The subtler art..."
06/16/18 20:05
The subtler art of acting like you don't give a fuck, despite giving far too many. Don’t make eye contact unless absolutely necessary. And when you do, act surprised and say you didn’t see. Call never, text rarely, speak softly if ever. Treat every aspect of your day, your life, as trivial and inconsequential, not meriting comment. Do not boast, nor even acknowledge your accomplishments. Try hard not to have goals, but if it can’t be avoided, then for God’s sake, and yours, don’t tell anyone. Do not photograph your food before you start eating it. If you must tell people about an event you’re involved in, do so in the simplest and most self-deprecating way. Under no circumstances give the impression that you care in the slightest whether anyone comes. Allow just a little shame into every interaction possible. Remember, always, that nothing, ultimately, is yours. That the universe can, and will, take all of it away. That “fair” is a fiction that we must all work to maintain. In this way you will maintain at least a placid facade, which is the best you can probably hope for.